9 Truths I Want Every Mom to Know
I recently read an article entitiled "10 Things Every Mother Wants Her Daughter to Know". As I read it I felt this internal struggle. Why do we tell our daughters all these wonderful things we want her to know, things we want to engrave in her so deeply the world can't break her, things we want her to grow up believing about herself, yet we do the exact opposite to ourselves. This my mom friends, is my response to that article. Here are 9 truths I want YOU and every MOM to know.
STOP right HERE! If you don't feel like reading a long blog, I did this topic on the podcast as well as have a YouTube video on this. But I will say that I am a little more fired up in the podcast. So you choose!
Let's get on with the truths if you're down to read!
1. The world may seem like it's holding you to an extremely high standard, but your kiddos just want you!
Who sets the bar? Is it you? Or is it an imaginary ideal image of yourself that you have a set as the standard for how and who you should be at all times?
Here's the deal, when was the last time you planned an amazing day full of activities for the kids, and then had another day at home with chili dogs and a family bike ride for kids to say that the day at home and the bike ride was the best day of their life. Sure they enjoyed both days. But the reality is our kids have fun with us. They just want us. As we are.
2. You are never alone.
There is another mom out there somewhere who identifies with your situations, your self doubt, your insecurities, the work life balance struggle, etc. etc. You may not know her personally but she's out there somewhere. So I know it's hard in the moment to feel like it' just you, yourself and the mess, but know that we all struggle. We can all relate in different ways. And you can find a friend in your neighborhood as well as virtually. Don't be afraid to reach out. Because I guarantee there's a mom on the other side of your screen wishing you would.
3. If You Wouldn't Say it to Your Daughter, Don't Say it to Yourself.
How many times a day do you remind your girls how strong they are, how smart they are, how they can accomplish anything, that the world is theirs, beauty runs deep and isn't superficial, that makeup doesn't make you beautiful...
And how many times do you tell yourself the exact opposite?
You're pulling at the fat on your stomach, your mom shaming yourself, putting and tearing yourself down simultaneously while lifting your daughter up. Would you want your daughter to tell herself the things you tell yourself? I bet it would break your heart. You would spend all night in tears coming up with ways to help her see what you see. A beautiful amazing girl who can achieve so much. And what she see's, what your husband and the world despite your beliefs see is a beautiful amazing momma who can achieve so much. So if you wouldn't say it to your daughter, don't say it to yourself.
4. Our Kids Will Thrive Because We Loved Them Well & Because We Didn't.
Truth is parenting didn't come with an instruction manual. We are going to royally mess it up. And then our kids are going to see that we a human. They will use what we said and did to give them the best foot forward. They will also use what we said or didn't say to prove to us they can despite us. To have the strength to make it through valleys. And have the patience to understand they aren't perfect either. What I am trying to say momma, is that our kids benefit from our failures as a parent and as mom if we are truly loving them well.
5. Rules Aren't Set in Stone, Cut yourself Some Slack
There was no mom master and her tablet of stone written rules of motherhood. Just because Dr. Spock didn't say it doesn't mean it's not right. There are no rules to this game. We can learn from others, do the best we can and make sure we get an hour or two of sleep at night. You can call it listening to your gut or doing what you need to do for survival. And either way it turns out ok. I remember with my daughter she was sleep trained by 6-8 months using the sleep sense method. /by the time my second came around he was stuck to the boob, gave the sleep sense method a run for his money and I nursed that kid to sleep every night, despite how everyone told me he would end up 20 years old and me still rocking him to sleep every night if I didn't quit and teach him how to go to bed by himself. He's 4 and there are no bottles or rocking chairs in sight. You do you momma.
6. You Won't Please Everybody
I don't care who you are, you can't please everyone you know. And you shouldn't try to. One because it's impossible! And two because if you have a tribe that supports and loves you, then why do you need the world to approve of you? Would you rather the world like you or a deeply rooted friendship with a few women who love you just the way you are? Once you find your people who've got your back and you've got theirs that's all you need. The world isn't perfect. You'd exhaust yourself trying to please a bunch of sinners who aren't perfect either. So don't entrap yourself in the hamster wheel of people pleasing.
7. You're Beautiful
You're beautiful! You're beautiful..you're beautiful..you're beautiful..you're beautiful. I will repeat this over and over on this blog and on the podcast until you see (and myself) how amazingly wonderful and beautiful you are on the inside and out. The stretchy skin, the wrinkles, the marks, the scars, the bags under your eyes, tell your story. They make up who you are. It's the long nights you put into filling out adoption papers, the emergency c section and the journey that brought you to and through motherhood. And all of it makes you beautiful.
8. It's Not Too Late
There used to be a mindset that after your twenties there's no room for change. But today, that is far from true. After interviewing 50+ women and watching myself grow, or heck even start a podcast post two kids. I have no doubt in my mind that we have the power to change if we can only take the first step.
9. You Can't Do It All
You most definitely have the power to change. But at the same time you can do it all. We can't be in all the places and do all the things all the time. We just can't. Not if we want to stay sane and not make everyone around us' life a living hell. Plan your time wisely, but also know your limitations. It's hard though right, with practices, games, carpool, lunches, late nights and the office etc. we are pulled in many different directions. But know that seasons are just that and sometimes in those seasons we need to make the appropriate adjustments to cut back in some places where in other seasons we can give more time to.