Fighting Makes You Human Not a Failure in Marriage
This video (posted at the end of this post) from The Daily Goalcast on conflict in your relationship, popped up on my Facebook newsfeed and I immediately resonated with that feeling.
That feeling like “oh my gosh, we fight constantly over the same things, we MUST be doing something wrong”.
And I remember the feeling of relief when we were being mentored by a couple we looked up to and they told us, “you know we fight right?”. WHAT!?
I grew up watching my parents fight constantly. Yelling. Arguing. Cussing at each other. That was my only example of a “marriage”, which they weren’t even technically married. But what I saw in them defined for me what a failing relationship looked like. Because it was in no way successful.
When this couple who was investing in my husband and I, mentoring us and leading us through our premarital “counseling” before we got married revealed that they fought I couldn’t believe it. It never looked like they fought.
But the truth is fighting doesn’t mean you're failing. Fighting means you’re human.
You are different people, coming together to live under one roof. You have different ideals of communication. You have different ways of handling conflict. You both have different ways of showing love.
So how would it NOT be possible to have conflict. Like the video says conflict equals growth.
My husband and I fight about the same stupid thing every time. But I tell you, the fight gets a little easier every time. And each time we get better at communicating which I think is the whole purpose. Not to solve the fight, but to help us become a better team. It’s like iron sharpening iron. It’s not always fun and it’s definitely painful, but we get stronger each time.